Student [after teacher had sent class to assembly when it wasn't on]:
Well, there's another major cock-up from our wonderful tutor...
Tutor: [Walks through door behind them as they say it]

Chemistry Teacher: This reaction is kind of a-
Student: Miracle, sir?

Teacher #1: [waiting at photocopier, trying to find out if teacher in front has a big load of paper to photocopy] Have you got a big one?
Teacher #2: That's really none of your business...

Teacher: Ok, who wants to wipe my board?
Student: [whispering] I *really* hope that's not a euphemism...

Student: I mean, I enjoy french, I just don't enjoy the teacher...

Teacher: [showing picture of Guy Fawkes & others involved in the gunpowder plot] Who can tell me something all these men had in common?
Student notorious for giving bad answers: [Waving hand in air] Oh, me! Me, sir! Pick me!
Teacher: ... Anyone else?
Student: Me! Me! I know, pick me!
Teacher: Ok ... this had better be good...
Student: [with a triumphant air] They all have beards, sir!
Teacher: ...Yes, I can see that, I'm not blind. [walks into desk] That was on purpose.

Teacher: This poster is a fine example of Nazi propaganda ... can anyone tell me what propaganda is?
Student: Is it like ... a male goose, who's like real proper, so-
Teacher: Oh, shut up.


-Overheard by someone at a highschool in the UK.