Youth & Government Advisor, to group of students: Quiet down!
[everyone keeps talking loudly]
Advisor: Yes, talk louder.
[it gets quiet]
Advisor: Okay, that worked.


English Teacher: Do you guys know how hard it is to get body parts? You know, you go to bed with a beautiful woman and wake up in a bathtub of ice with no kidneys?
Student, jokingly: Did that ever happen to you? I mean, did a girl ever steal any of your organs?
Teacher, puts hand on heart: Only this one.

English teacher, about a metaphor in which the earth was compared to a breast: What does a breast do?
Student: It breathes.

In Physics:
When the class doesn't get that the teacher was being sarcastic or falls for something stupid:
Teacher: Next year I am starting a class in AP Sarcasm & Gullibility.
Student: Really???