In Math Analysis:
Student: Does anyone watch Lost?
Teacher: Lost? Oh, that's a TV show. I thought you were talking about my Algebrebra 1 class... I'm trying to teach them quadratic functions...

From in class, we can hear someone yell in the hall: Wagner took my balls!!!

Teacher (incredulously), to student: You never read Harold and the Purple Crayon?
Student: Well, sorry, I was reading Machiavelli.

Student: I want to write a children's book: Little children love each other. A lot.

[Guy randomly walks out of the classroom]
Girl [loudly, to class]: That's my boyfriend! [everyone looks at her] Just kidding. That's what I tell my mom whenever we're driving and we see some weird guy.
Teacher: Your mom doesn't know your boyfriend?
Girl's friend: She doesn't have one.
Girl [still talking loudly, to the whole class]l: I wish I had a boyfriend.
Random student, after pause: That's awkward.

In Physics:
Teacher: You can't pull liquid up a straw. There is no such force as suction.
Student: Then what idiot came up with the word???

English Teacher: ...floating arond like twinkle-bell!





Student: [Teacher] was nice today! It was weird, she was all nice!





at 10:53

Student #1: What time is it?

Student #2: It's almost 11:11!!

Student #3: No, it's not really.

Student #2: Yeah, well, it's closer than it was an hour ago.





Teacher: How many watts is that?

Student: Uh, 350 watts.

Teacher: Right, but we're not working in watts, so what are we going to write down?

Other Student: Lies!!!



Math Teacher: If chapter 2 is the heart of math analysis, chapter 3 is the... liver.

Was That Supposed to Be An Insult?

Student #1: That is so cool.
Student #2: Your mom's cool.
Student #1: No, not really.

Youth & Government Advisor, to group of students: Quiet down!
[everyone keeps talking loudly]
Advisor: Yes, talk louder.
[it gets quiet]
Advisor: Okay, that worked.


English Teacher: Do you guys know how hard it is to get body parts? You know, you go to bed with a beautiful woman and wake up in a bathtub of ice with no kidneys?
Student, jokingly: Did that ever happen to you? I mean, did a girl ever steal any of your organs?
Teacher, puts hand on heart: Only this one.

English teacher, about a metaphor in which the earth was compared to a breast: What does a breast do?
Student: It breathes.

In Physics:
When the class doesn't get that the teacher was being sarcastic or falls for something stupid:
Teacher: Next year I am starting a class in AP Sarcasm & Gullibility.
Student: Really???

Physics Teacher: Let's talk about apparent weight versus real weight. On a roller-coaster, which one changes?
Student: Apparent weight.
Other student: Unless you throw up.

Physics Teacher: (sings) It's so fun to mumble to your neighbor. {stops singing) Why am I singing?

Physics Teacher: There's time to get your tests back if we're done reviewing.
Student: There's time, we're done.
Teacher: We're not done!
Student: (yells) Yeah, we are!!!
(stunned silence)
Student: Sorry, that was rude.

History Teacher: By the 1920s, the Klu-Klux Klan doesn't discriminate. They don't just hate black people any more. They hate black people, immigrants, Catholics, femininsts, socialists... They're equal opportunity haters.

Spanish Teacher: If I wake up at three in the morning every day, what am I doing wrong? Going to bed too early?
Student, sort-of quietly: Or you're just crazy.
Teacher: What?
Student: Nothing!

Spanish Teacher: I never called your class dumb. I called you bottom-feeders, I didn't call you guys dumb.

In math class:
Student #1, to Student # 2: You make this class durable. Not durable, what's the word I'm looking for?
(they discuss it, trying to remember. for several minutes)
Student #2: I'm thinking manageable, but that's not right...
Other Student: Endurable.
Student #1: Right, that's it. Thanks.