My Mom: Are you on Facelift? [meaning Facebook]

Math Teacher: Don't forget to dot the helping graph.
[Male] Student: Can we, like, highlight the main graph instead?
Teacher: That's good. Some people put, like, pink highlighter on it. That's always a nice, manly color.

Physics teacher: I mean, my god. I'm trying to tell you guys that this stuff is useful, and then they put a problem with baton twirling in the textbook.
Student #1: There has to be a better example.
Teacher: Oh, like what? Fire twirling?
Student #2: Remember when that one cheerleader twirled fire at that football game?
Teacher: Someone twirled fire and I missed it?!

Student: I think people forget that Ted Kennedy killed that girl because he doesn't really have the demeanor of a killer.
Political science teacher: Yeah. It's not like he wears a necklace with an ear on it or anything.


-Overheard by anonymous

Student [after teacher had sent class to assembly when it wasn't on]:
Well, there's another major cock-up from our wonderful tutor...
Tutor: [Walks through door behind them as they say it]

Chemistry Teacher: This reaction is kind of a-
Student: Miracle, sir?

Teacher #1: [waiting at photocopier, trying to find out if teacher in front has a big load of paper to photocopy] Have you got a big one?
Teacher #2: That's really none of your business...

Teacher: Ok, who wants to wipe my board?
Student: [whispering] I *really* hope that's not a euphemism...

Student: I mean, I enjoy french, I just don't enjoy the teacher...

Teacher: [showing picture of Guy Fawkes & others involved in the gunpowder plot] Who can tell me something all these men had in common?
Student notorious for giving bad answers: [Waving hand in air] Oh, me! Me, sir! Pick me!
Teacher: ... Anyone else?
Student: Me! Me! I know, pick me!
Teacher: Ok ... this had better be good...
Student: [with a triumphant air] They all have beards, sir!
Teacher: ...Yes, I can see that, I'm not blind. [walks into desk] That was on purpose.

Teacher: This poster is a fine example of Nazi propaganda ... can anyone tell me what propaganda is?
Student: Is it like ... a male goose, who's like real proper, so-
Teacher: Oh, shut up.


-Overheard by someone at a highschool in the UK.

In English:
Student: What does the green light [in the Great Gatsby] symbolize?
Other Student: The Green Lantern!

Teacher: There's a fine line between romantic and stalking.

In Physics:
Teacher: What's he first purpose of a pulley?
Student: To pull!

Teacher: I don't know 200. I can barely count to ten. [talking about Phillipinino numbers]

In History:
Student: Aren't there a lot of kidnappings in Columbia?
Teacher: Yeah, Columbia and Mexico, but those are wealthy people for ransom, but that doesn't happen much, I mean, how many wealthy people are there?

Somewhere, I can't remember where I overheard this one:
Student: I never stuck my finger up anyone else's ear.

Yeah, Superman.

Student, to teacher: Are you wearing a NASA shirt under that shirt?
Teacher: Yeah. Stop looking through my shirt.

In Spanish class, while learning commands.
Teacher: Lavate pelo. [Wash your hair].
Student: You lava te pelo. Oh wait, you don't have any.

Teacher, about an orange: Make some lemonade.
Student: I can't. I'm not Jesus.

In Math Class [about a parallelogram]
Teacher: It's almost like you took a square and kicked it.

In Physics:
Teacher: What can you lift in this world?
Students suggest examples:
-wood
-boxes
-a pencil
-weights
-your soul
Class: What?
Teacher: How much does it weigh?
Student: Zero grams.

In History:
The bonus question on a quiz was name a monster from a monster movie. Someone said the Hulk.
Teacher: The Hulk isn't a monster, the Hulk's a good-guy.
Student: Depends which side you're on.

This is the first post overheard by someone besides me or my friends!

History Class:
Dumb Girl- Harriet Tubman? Of course I know who that was. She was America's first black president!

Spanish Teacher: [Student], there's no way you can suck hair.


The cover of Student #1's very old math book is coming off.
Student#1: What did you do to my book???
Student #2: Me? What did I do? I didn't do anything.
Student #1: I think my book is trying to commit suicide.


English Teacher: I'm a rugged individualist.
Student: Why don't you live in the woods then?


Student, in presentation about imperialism: Some people say American imperialism never really happened, everything really was just to help poorer countries.
History Teacher: Who are the deaf, dumb, and blind people who think that?

History Teacher, pointing to map showing locations o U.S. troops around the world: We have troops there, too. And over there we're using our air force to bomb people.
[some students laugh]
Teacher: Well, we're working together.


Student in math class, loudly: I like English. Not math.
Teacher: Oh-kaaay...

My friend overheard this at the Y.

Guy #1: But I thought you liked emo.
Guy #2: I like normal emo. Emo emo. Not goth emo.\\

Overheard by Jade.

Teacher: If you have some notes you haven't typed up, and you have some time over summer break, you could type them up, add to the essay.
Student: Be realistic!!! Who would do that?
Teacher: I did it!
(class bursts out laughing)