In Physics

Teacher: We're going to go around the room and everyone say something with a motor in it.
Student #1: Fan
Student #2: Car
Student #3: Train, like the kind that goes around a Christmas tree.
Student #4: Airplane.
Student #5: Christmas tree.
Teacher: Can you be more specific?
Student #5: No.
Student #6: Refrigerator.
Student #7: Boat.
Student #8: Vibrator.


Teacher: [Student], you're on my list.
Student: What list?
Student #2: Schindler's list.

Student (talking about something we should have learned in chemistry but didn't because the teacher was incompetent): We skipped that chapter- along with the other fifteen!

Student: I'm really curious, how do they name these things [measurement units]?
Teacher: Well, sometimes if you discover it, and you write a textbook or an article, you can name it, or else future generations name it after you. Like the Newton was...
Student: Jimmy Neutron!!!

Student #1, to teacher: Are you this funny with your kids? (to other students) Does he have kids?
Student #2: No.
Student #1: Well then, are you this funny with your wife?
Teacher: No.
Student #1: Poor wife.
Student #3: Are you married?
Student #2 (sarcastically): No, he just has a wife.

In History
The class is discussing to what extent Jefferson went against his political philosophy, and the teacher thows away a piece of paper.
Student: Did you just throw away that papaer? You didn't recycle it? Did you know the amount of paper people throw away every day could circle the globe twice?
Teacher (defensively): Hey, Jefferson owned slaves!

In Math
Student [about other student]: Doesn't he look like Harold? Have you watched Harold and Kumar? He looks like Harold, only not a stoner and with glasses, but he looks just like him, he's Korean and everything.

Student #1 (in another math class): What are you studying in math?
Student #2: Limits. They don;t exist.

Student: Can we leave the answer in that form?
Teacher: Sure. I'm easy, not many people would admit that.