Student #1, to physics teacher: One of your fish died while the sub was here.
Teacher: What?
Student #2: There were four. Now there's three.
Student #3: The sub ate one.

Math Teacher: Can I mark off your homework?
Student: Today's not a good day.... It's going to rain.

Student #1: My project is a whisk. You use it to beat eggs.
Student #2 (raises hand and asks): Can you use it to beat people?

Random student comes into our math class: [Teacher], I'm going to have you for math next year, and if you fail me, I swear to God I'll walk on your grave.

Random student (a guy): [Teacher], I think we should get our nails done this weekend.

Teacher: This isn't that hard, write faster.
Student: We're not computers.
Teacher: You're not?
Student: No!
Teacher: Man, I wanted a class of computers.
Student: Well then go down to the main office.

Teacher: A variable resistor is used to change speed of motors, dim lights, adjust TV settings- [student], what's it used for?
Student: ...Change speed of dim lights.
Teacher: Something's dim.

Two girls walk into class.
Girl #1: ...your excretory system is working properly.
Girl #2: Thanks for announcing it to the whole class!

Teacher: Earth's magnetic field is relatively weak compared to the fields that mess up electronics.
Student: Aha! Earth has a weakness!

Student: I'm going to kill my mom! She put a dollar bill in my sandwhich and lunch meat in a seperate baggie.

Girl #1: [Guy #1], did you finish your ferris wheel?
Girl #2: Wait, what did you say?
Girl #1: I asked him if he finished his ferris wheel, his physics project.
Girl #2: Oh, it sounded like you asked him if he finished his affair.
[All three of them laugh]
Girl #1: I don't care about your love life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Teacher: Sometimes you feel like throwing somebody out the window.
Student: Unfortunately, this is only a two story building.